Confusion
by Tragically Hopeless
Summary: He's showing me what I did to him. Even if that wasn't something that I had wanted to do, I can tell that it's hurting him too. I wish that we could be together, now that I've figured this out, but no, he decided that it was a good time to be difficult.


This is just a small Glee story that was at the top of my head last night. I hope that you like it.

**Summary: **He's trying to do to me what I did to him. Even if that wasn't something that I had wanted to do, and I can tell that it's hurting him too. I wish that we could be together, now that I've figured this out, but no, he decided that now was the best time to be difficult.

**Pairing: **Finn/Kurt

**Rating: **K

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee in any way. If I did, do you really think that I would waste my time writing a fan fiction?

* * *

_Confusion.  
_**A One Shot. **

* * *

_Lately, you make me question everything that I thought I knew_  
_You make me want to confess my deepest, darkest feelings_  
_Because of you, I want to take that extra step_  
_It's your fault that I don't know anything about myself_  
_But it's my fault that I just don't want to know anymore_

* * *

Kurt is a really cool guy and all, but to be honest, I've been avoiding him lately. Even if it's kinda difficult with living in the same house and all. It's not like I'm angry with him or anything like that. It's just that whenever he's around, I'm wondering about stupid stuff, like how much better he is compared to Rachel, or if his lips are as soft as they look. Not that I'm gay. No, I leave that to Kurt. But when I'm around him… I don't know it's like that doesn't matter anymore.

Ok, yeah, I know that I'm a bad friend and almost brother by avoiding him for no reason other than that he's confusing me. But it's just for now, I swear. Once I get all of this figured out, I'll stop it. Because it's hurting him, I can tell. Even though he's dating that dude, Blaine, I can still tell that he likes me, and nobody else had noticed. It kinda hurts me too, but it's for the best, at least for now. Maybe one day, when I've figured everything out, and he isn't dating Blaine, I can set things straight. I hope.

"Finn, we have to talk. You've been avoiding me lately and I want to know why."

He got straight to the point, as he always did.

I try to come up with some sort of lie, one that will keep me from telling him about everything that had been going on in my head lately. But when I made eye contact with him, I knew it would be hopeless. Just by looking at him, it made me want to tell him everything that I had just been thinking and more. That I was scared about what people thought about me, and who I look, that I thought he was, at times, even cuter than my own girlfriend, and even that I really truly missed my dad, even if I had never met him before. Which I had never told anyone, ever.

"I know; I'm sorry about that, Kurt. I've had a lot to think about lately, and it's really getting to me. Don't worry about it; it's nothing I can't figure out on my own."

Even if you're the one that's driving me kinda crazy. And you're the reason why I know less about me than I thought I did just two months ago.

"Okay then. Just… don't continue to alienate me and everyone else like you have been. We worry about you. If you need anyone to talk to about any of it, remember that I'm here for you. Anytime, anywhere."

I know from the look in his eyes that he doesn't mean it when he says everyone else, it's just him. He's hurting because of this. And even though I don't know what alienate means, I know that he wants me to stop and figure this out. He smiles, sadly and as he walks away, I can't help but to wonder that if he would be as perfect as he seems if he weren't so sad, and instead in my arms. I wouldn't let him go. I would try and erase all of the bad times from his mind. And I can't help but wonder if I am just a bit gay. Not completely because I still like girls and all. What's the word for that again?

* * *

_I don't think that I'm in love with you_  
_But I do think that I'm falling for the feeling I get when I'm around you_  
_That I would die if I never got to see you ever again_  
_That maybe you're the reason that I haven't broken down in front of everyone_  
_And maybe I wish that you could give me an answer_

* * *

Don't get me wrong, I do love Rachel. Just not the way that everyone, including her, thinks that I do. She's like a little sister that I would never fail to protect. With a bit of making out and all that on the side. I might have been in love with her to begin with, in my sophomore year, but in my junior year that started to change. Now that I'm a senior, that definitely wasn't true anymore.

Now, I didn't think that I was in love with Kurt. I was pretty sure that it hadn't gotten to that quite yet. But the way that I felt around him? That was a completely different story. Even though being around him made me want to tell him all of my deepest, darkest secrets, I really liked it. I was falling in love with the attention that he gave me and the way that he made me felt. It probably wouldn't be long though…

I looked it up. The word for when you're not gay but you're not straight. It's called being bisexual. It fits me though. I have never been the type of person to make up my mind.

"Hey Kurt… remember when you told me that I could talk to you anytime?" I needed to know what he thought about all of this.

I heard a grumble and the sheets moving, in response. Oh… yeah, it was about 2 AM, wasn't it? That would explain why the room was dark, and why Kurt was sleeping. But he did say that I could talk to him anytime, didn't he? Besides, if I didn't talk to him about this now then I probably would never get the courage to tell him any of this. Damn it… why did I have to care so much about what other people think? It would be so much easier if I could just stop caring about that.

Putting the thoughts out of my mind, I tried again, a bit louder this time around.

"Kurt, can I talk to you?"

There was another grumble and I could hear the sheets moving again but this time, when I looked over at Kurt, his eyes were just barely open.

"Yes, you can, Finn, but it had better be important."

He gave me a half assed glare but it was only for appearances sake. Both of us knew that he didn't actually mind.

"I… I think that I might be, uh… bisexual?"

I watched carefully, as his eyes widened. I knew that it was because it was unexpected, not because it was a bad thing or anything like that. This was Kurt, after all. Not Puck or anyone else from the football team. And as I kinda expected, it didn't take him that long to put that mask of his back up again, as he recovered from the shock.

"Congratulations, you're one step closer to what I've been trying to tell you for years now. Don't worry; nobody can make fun of you for it because it's the same as Brittany and Santana. Besides, you're the star quarterback of the football team, and now that Glee is reaching its glory, you're one of the popular kids again. However, I want to know what possessed you to tell me now."

"I just needed to get it off my back. Thanks for listening to me; I've been thinking about it way too much lately."

"Okay then. Good night, Finn."

"Good night, Kurt."

He knew something was up, it was a bit obvious. But he still decided to keep quiet about it, even if it might have just been because he was tired. Yeah, that was possible but for some reason, I didn't think so. God, I don't know what I would do without the guy. He was the only thing right now that was actually keeping me from going crazy…. Except that he was the guy that was causing me to go crazy in the first place. Oh well, I don't think that I could like knowing that for some reason I could never see him again. Not when I'd gotten myself in this deep.

Yeah, he was definitely the reason that I hadn't started yelling and screaming outside the school. About how unfair all of them were to Kurt, and to anyone else who happened to be different from the typical jocks or cheerleaders that ran the school.

I kinda wished that he could give me an answer. Even if I hadn't quite asked the question yet, because he should already know the question. Just because he's Kurt.

* * *

_I hate the way that you confuse me, day after day_  
_Ignoring me completely one second, then defending me the next_  
_I hate how you know everything, absolutely everything_  
_But never ask if anything's gotten better or worse_  
_Most of all, I hate how nobody else can understand_  
_Except for you, who just seems to make it worse_

* * *

Things changed a bit after I admitted that I was bisexual to Kurt. He knew, what wasn't said that night, what I had wanted to say. He started to purposely ignore me, even though I could tell that it was hurting him just as much as it hurt him when I was the one ignoring him. A bit like he was trying to give me a taste of my own medicine… because I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't hurting me too. But then there were these moments…

The moments usually came when I least expected them to. Like when Puck would be teasing me about something stupid, and then Kurt would just come up out of nowhere. He would sneer at whoever was bothering me, and then continue to defend me before leading me down the hall. We would talk like everything was back to normal again, and then an hour later, it would be back to him ignoring me again.

"Hey Finn, I'm sorry to say this but I think we need to talk. It's important."

I should have guessed that Rachel would catch on, sooner or later. I just kinda wished that I didn't always have to like people who knew everything. Especially Rachel. It was a bit weird how she always knew what was going on with me. Whether I was just having a bad day, or if I was pouting because of a football game, she always seemed to know. Kurt was like that too, but not nearly as bad.

"Oh, hey Rachel, what's so important that we need to talk about?"

I played dumb about it; even though we both knew that I knew what she meant… or something like that. I doubted that she knew what I was going through right now. Both of her dads might be gay but she did have slight homophobic tendencies, even if she denied it with all her being.

"Finn, you know what I'm talking about, so don't you go playing dumb with me, I'm not going to put up with it today. When were you going to tell me?"

See what I meant?

"I… I didn't think about it. Probably once the initial shock part of it blew over. I've been a bit busy, thinking about all of this and trying to figure out what Kurt's trying to achieve by ignoring me."

"Kurt's been ignoring you? But… I even asked everyone else in Glee Club… we all thought that you guys finally realized that you're perfect for each other, and started dating. All of them agreed with me. Did you know that Kurt dumped Blaine a couple weeks ago?"

I took a moment to let the shock go away. I had no idea about any of this. Kurt dumping Blaine or that the rest of Glee Club thought that we were secretly dating each other behind Rachel's back.

"No, we're not dating each other. I've just been realizing some… stuff that I probably should have realized a long time ago, and Kurt's been annoying me like this to give me some pay back for the stuff I've accidentally done to him in the past."

"I understand, Finn. Don't worry about it though, I'll tell everyone that you broke up with me. Just to be safe and all."

"No, don't do that, Rachel. This is a mutual break up and there's no point in letting everyone know that. I've been trying to teach myself to not care what other people think, even if it's hard, it's for the best."

"Alright then, good luck with Kurt. I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded, as she left. I hope that I would get the chance to talk to Kurt later today. He deserved to hear this from me, instead of from some rumor that was bound to go around the school at some time today. One thing that Rachel was bad at was keeping things a secret until she had been given permission to tell people.

* * *

_I hate how you make excuse for everything, how you always have a mask on_  
_I despise how you never let anyone in, and how you turn your back on me_  
_Though the thing that I despise the most is that I don't care_  
_But I like the your green blue eyes and the sound of your voice_  
_And I love how you at least let me think I have a chance_

* * *

It was impossible to talk to Kurt for the next week. He always had that damn mask on, the one that had been created so people would think that he was no longer an obsessive boy chasing after the guy he thought he could never have. It annoyed me though, because it blocked me from seeing the real him. Oh, and another reason why I couldn't talk to him was because he was always going to one of the girls' houses after school/glee. He said it was because he hasn't spent enough time with them if the past few months, and he's trying to make up for it.

So, that's why I was laying in my bed, trying to gather up the courage to wake Kurt up. Sure, it was the middle of the night, again, but I really didn't care this time. I needed to talk to him.

"Kurt, can I talk to you?"

It was déjà vu, the way that he grumbled slightly and then turned around to face me. His eyes were only opened a bit but I could tell that his full attention was on me. God, I loved his eyes, they were beautiful.

"Yes, Finn, you can talk to me, but it better be important."

Did I mention that I liked the sound of his voice just as much as I loved his eyes?

"As you know, Rachel and I broke up last week. I had wanted to be the one to tell you but I guess you found out before I could talk to you about it, and then you kept ignoring me and all. But we didn't break up because Jesse had come back into Rachel's life, like everyone likes to think. Even though they have started dating, but that's not the point. Kurt, we broke up because Rachel realized that she wasn't the person that I was perfect for, that you're that person."

"Finn, please don't tell me that you're just messing around with my heart, because if you are then I swear that I'll phone Mercedes up this moment and get her to come pick me up. And you do not want to mess with a half asleep, and angry Mercedes."

I laughed softly, this gave me the perfect excuse to just go right over there and prove to him that I actually was telling the truth. And that was exactly what I did. Kissing Kurt is better than I imagined. It was slightly different than kissing a girl but it was a good type of different. I could definitely get used to this, and fast.

I smiled at his blush, as he moved backwards about a foot or so. That is until he motioned for me to get into the bed, and I did exactly that. Well, that, along with putting my arms around his waist and pulling him into my chest. If only we could stay like this forever. It would be perfect. Just then, something popped into my mind.

"Kurt, will you go out with me?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

_Now I don't know how I feel anymore_  
_I do know that the other person doesn't matter, those feelings are gone_  
_I don't know who I am anymore, so much has changed_  
_I do know that I'll one day demand an answer, but not today_  
_I don't know what will happen to me, if you give the wrong answer_  
_But I do know that whatever happens, whoever gets hurt_

* * *

People stared as we walked down the hallway, hand in hand but I no longer cared, much to Kurt's disbelief. Nor did I care when we were both slushied by several of the guys from the football team… Well, maybe I did care about that one, but mostly because then we had to go get changed and wash ourselves up before school. It definitely did annoy the hell out of Kurt though. But he did kinda cheer up when I kissed him, and told him that if he cheered up, I'd take to Breadstix on Friday night. It would be our first date.

As we quickly walked to class, I realized something. I had changed, a lot. And I didn't care. I was no longer the homophobic jerk of a jock that was forced into the Glee Club in my sophomore year, I was becoming someone much better than that. Sure, there were some stuff that could be better but I no longer cared about any of it.

"Come on, Finn, I don't want to have detention just because you weren't walking fast enough to our History class."

"Hmm, for some reason, detention doesn't seem like that bad of an idea, in my point of view. I get to spend an hour after school sitting in a classroom with my boyfriend and a teacher that doesn't actually give a shit. Or maybe we'll be even luckier and it'll be Mr. Schue doing detention today."

Yeah, life could be better, but I was enjoying every second of it right now.

* * *

_It's the way it's meant to be_

* * *

Another great thing was that Mr. Schue was the one running detention. But I really kinda hope that he wasn't bothered by us too much.


End file.
